Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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