i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
