We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
