I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
