You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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