don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
