i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
