Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
