Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
