You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
