Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
