I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
