he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
