Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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