She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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