she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
