we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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