I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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