Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
