Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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