you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
