can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
