i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
