I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
