Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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