I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
