Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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