Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
