he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
