try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
