Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
