and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
