Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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