oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
