how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
