i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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