my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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