Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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