That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
