I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
