Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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