I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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