you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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