I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
