You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
