It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
