Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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