So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
