Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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