there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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