It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just pee around me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
