the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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