DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
