Don't you send me to vm
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
