I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
